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Blonds Are More Fun

A Desert Independent Flashback


By Dr. HOWARD MARKLE
The Desert Independent

December 10, 2012

Originally Published June 29, 2007

Pity the brunets among us. They just don't seem able to attract attention from the media. No one would ever accuse a natural blond of dying her hair black, or even brown. Maybe it's because the "silver screen" of the old black and white era of movie-making made a blond actress stand out in the shadowy world of lights and filters. Blondness (from a bottle) probably helped in the elimination of hats for women too. Ah yes; blond curly hair. Even the "dirty" blond stood out from the crowd of the mousy haired and the mysteriously dark hew.

Before you accuse me of writing a racist/sexist article, just keep in mind what's happening both then and now. Remember Marilyn, sometimes spelled Marylin? Remember Jayne, or was it Jane, the dark-haired beauty who stood in contrast to Marilyn the blond "bombshell. It was the movies, wasn't it? The few blacks, African-Americans, had no chance to be blond, as in "bombshell. They played occupations or the unemployed. Sure, plenty of attention was played to other parts of the movie diva, but on screen and finally in the news it was the blond hair. It almost didn't matter how it was combed or arranged: up in a bun; pulled back to emphasize the face; twisted into a pony tail; bowl cut with bangs hanging below the eyebrows; and long and down over the shoulders. At some point in the narrative, on screen or in person, she would shake her head and throw her blond tresses from one side to the other. She learned to brush aside a stray strand that interfered with her sight. She's a BLOND and the brunets could only copy her affectations and at the same time entertain thoughts of becoming a BLOND themselves.

Marilyn was a blond, but look what happened. So was Jayne, but she fared no better. Nichole was as blond as they come, but to what end? And what about Diana? We can name many others that seemed to fall under a blondness curse. Alive or dead, they still command our attention; they remain blond to the very end. Who knows what would have been their public reception had they been dark-haired, unable to establish themselves as "bombshells. See, you don't even need the word "blond" as a modifier for "bombshell.

Now we have Paris, the Hilton and the city (not the one in CA). From now on, when the name comes up, nobody will think of the city. "The last time I saw Paris" will refer to her going to a party, going to jail, getting into a car, dancing at a club, or walking on a red carpet. She has captured the media, and therefore, us. We want to know all there is to know about her: her bathroom habits, where she goes after midnight, the food she favors, her boyfriends, weight problems, and how she intends to make the world safe for blonds.

One day Paris will fade into the dustbin of blonds who made history, and likewise we'll never forget her and what she stood for. Those endless hours of paying attention to her will not have been in vain. Colleges, like our local JC, will offer associate degrees and certificates in the history of blonds, which will include all their contributions to democracy and the freedoms we enjoy. Paris' legacy is still being written. Books and videos of her performances will be studied and discussed in the highest academic and political circles. The advantages of being blond have not been lost on Hillary either; remember the various hair styles when she and Bill (who mistakenly chose a brunet) were presidents? She should be our next president because she has enough moxy to be a blond. With enough guidance and the usual ambition on her part, she could end up being our first "bombshell" president. Her place in history would be ensured.



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